I’ve tried them all but my heart belongs to the safe but staid granny panty.

Photo by Alex Harvey 🤙🏻 on Unsplash

You can keep your thongs and your boy shorts, my heart belongs to the often maligned granny panty. And the bigger, the better.

Got a beige garment in a size L in a three pack? I’m your girl. I want my undies to completely cover the vast expanse of my derriere, and then some.

And I don’t think I’m alone.

Remember when Bridget Jones had her first date with Daniel in the original Bridget Jones’s Diary? All the women in the audience giggled uncomfortably because we all could relate — caught in an intimate situation wearing something so tent-like and definitely not mainstream sexy.

I once walked into Soma Intimates and looked at all the different undergarments on display. Some were beautiful, others were sporty, and still others were more on the practical side.

However, my only goal was finding the largest underwear they carried in size L or even XL.

The sales girl didn’t believe me.

She looked me up and down and proclaimed that I was, at most, an S.

I assured her that I preferred bigger. Size does matter to me in this case.

She looked incredulous. How could someone want a larger size? Nobody wants to be larger — look at all the stores that carry clothing that in the 1960’s would have been tagged with a size 12 but are now a 6.

The saleswoman was clearly stuck in a place in her brain where vanity won’t let a size S customer buy something in a size L.

Although I appreciated her concern over how I choose to cover my privates, I still shelled out the cash for the undies that will, no doubt, leave lots and lots to the imagination should I ever again find myself in Bridget’s situation.

Granny panties, I know you will forever have my back-side.

Far more interesting internally than externally. I write to quiet the voices. Deleted Facebook & Twitter thereby immediately quieting 1000’s of voices.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store