The biggest lesson I’ve learned over the years is learning how to ask if I can dump my feelings all over my ex-husband. I asked him just the other night, “Hey, I have a lot going on with the board. Can I tell you what’s been going on without you offering any advice about how to proceed? I just need you to listen. Can you do that?”
And I asked this of him with it being ok if he said no. I know he gets too emotionally involved and sometimes can’t handle deeply stressful interactions between his family members and anyone else. He wants to fix everything but I have to tell him it’s ok for him to let this remain broken.
By letting me vent, I’m also able to sort through all the material that’s in my head and I can make sense of it as I’m speaking. I’m also able to have aha moments and realize that maybe I’ve become too dug into my position.
But the point is I ask first before I dump and it’s made all the difference in the world.